Parenting: why court isn’t the answer
Date Posted: Friday, February 29, 2008Author: Pastor Maria Seaman
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I read with some curiosity the idea that parents should be held responsible for the poor choices of their children (under-aged children). Yes, it was suggested that parents should end up in the dock along with their rebellious children.
Interesting. This reminds me of the zero tolerance law; you know, just looking at the deed and not considering the seed that brought about the poor choice. Well, what do I mean by seed? The seed is that which is planted and brings about the fruit or consequence - the evidence seen. The seed could be:
- Poor parenting
- No parenting
- Poor choices by the child (like bad company, and bad behaviour, in spite of having been taught to do the right thing).
Nope, this thought of every parent standing trial will not work. As a parent of three daughters, I am sure that if such a law were to exist, I might find myself holding my breath (proverbially speaking) and praying that I don’t end up in court because of my child.
Permit me to be so bold and take a moment and speak on behalf of a few parents. Sir, what does a parent do when they have absolutely trained up their child in the right way, but that child has decided to make a left turn and go the wrong way? Sir, what do you do when your child has to be in school with those who have not been trained and your child succumbs to poor behaviour? Sir, what should a parent do when they reach out to government for help concerning their child, and there is no help to be found that is successful?
How many parents will end up in court; losing job-time, losing pay, and consequently losing out on the ability to financially negotiate bills for the month?
While I certainly understand the frustration of persons who are sick and tired of dealing with out-of-control children, I still must consider that court marshalling parents and causing them to pay for their children’s crime would be the law gone too far.
How many of our parents cry over the fact that with all of their efforts - dedicated efforts, their child has still gone wrong? How many parents live in pain because they want a better life for the child they love?
On the other hand, how does taking the parents to court help make the child a better child? Do we believe that if a child knows that their parents will end up in court with them, that they will reconsider their choices?
No. As much as we may want to deal with parents who are not doing their best, we cannot crucify all parents whose children make the wrong choices.
There is the age of accountability. A six year old committing a crime is different from a fifteen year old committing a crime. Let us try more prevention and intervention before we decide on the retention of parents.
Mercy! Is there no mercy in understanding what all parents deal with today? No, let us judge each situation case by case. If the parent is negligent, then whether the child commits a crime or not, that parent should be brought before the judge. Again, this flat-out zero tolerance just will not work. Let us not fill up the court system (which is already painfully full and progressively slow) with good parents whose children are making bad choices. Remember, parents are victims too.